my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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