Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
