we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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