yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
