woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
