I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
