My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Randomize
