bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
