How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I need a beard to bite.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
