We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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