I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
