So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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