just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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