Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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