New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
