Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
