That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
