Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
