I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
