I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
