I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize