So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
