Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize