I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Someone came in the potted fern
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
His nipple licking is glorious
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