my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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