Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
