two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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