Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
