where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize