Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
