Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
