i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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