I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
