A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You're a waste of cheezeits
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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