so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
