Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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