i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
