in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
