were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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