My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
