what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
