Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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