I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
