New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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