I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
