I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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