i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
