??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
