She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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