Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize