her vagina looked like bernie madoff
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize
