are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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