A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
