I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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