nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
