Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(323): View more from California

just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo

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(270): View more from Kentucky

So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.

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(301): View more from Maryland

soooo we both peed the bed last night...

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(248): View more from Michigan

i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.

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(303): View more from Colorado

What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?

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(614): View more from Ohio

just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.

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(520): View more from Arizona

I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.

(714): View more from California

I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.

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(503): View more from Oregon

on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella

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