Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
