If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
this hospital has no fireball
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize