Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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