My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
