went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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