I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
