is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
