Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
