He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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